I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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