I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
