I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
