I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
