i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's rum buckets o'clock
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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