I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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