When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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