I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
