think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
