I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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