I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is wine microwaveable?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
