the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize