The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
