four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
