the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
