I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
