If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there is glitter all over my balls
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize