I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
