All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
