I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
