I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
