why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
