A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
