I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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