So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
