I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
