i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
