Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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