so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
