It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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