I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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