I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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