Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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