hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
