i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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