Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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