I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
