I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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