I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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