How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
