I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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