I could have mohawked her pubes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
