right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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