He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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