never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
