a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
