Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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