She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
