That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
