I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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