Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
