There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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