The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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