he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
