I'm passing your future prison.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she told me i tasted like america
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
