for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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