just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
