i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
