your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
