Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
