I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
