Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
