"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She told me I should be a condom model.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
