she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize