Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
