Little spoons don't ask big questions
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
