we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
