Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You are the jesus of drinking
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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