About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
