Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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