none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
