I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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