Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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