And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
