morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
BRING THE BAGELS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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