just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
