oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
