Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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