I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
