the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We left the knife in your bed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
