i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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