Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
