Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
